I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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