My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
