Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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