You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
