yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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