when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
