i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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