who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
