you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
