you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
