I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
