Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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