After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
