Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
