My Higher Power is John Stamos
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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