hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
