i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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