I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
