So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
