Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
