I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
