i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
