eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
