please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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