Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
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i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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