I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
