I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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