Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
