Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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