Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
