did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
