You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
