Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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