tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I am available for nakedness
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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