office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
