3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I look better un-naked...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Randomize
