i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
