I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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