I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
