I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
