Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
