I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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