i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
