if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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