her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he thought i was a dude.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
