I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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