I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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