He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
