nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
