New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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