She just used a chaser for red wine.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
