Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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