Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
