dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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