But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
