I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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