Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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