Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
