When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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