Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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