Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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